I don't know what is is about today. All I want to do is curl up under the blankets and sleep, and cry a little. My emotions gotta get themselves in check, and soon. For some reason, I feel like I'm comparing myself to other pregnant women. My confidence feels like it's at an all time low. I'm stuck in a slump. It doesn't help that I'm miles and miles away from my family and the couple friends I have left. Feeling a little lonely being way from everything I'm familiar and comfortable with.
I never used to compare myself to others, and if I did, it didn't really matter because I had such high confidence that I just forgot about whatever it was that I was jealous of. Now, good grief, I sit and ponder on things that I really should just get over. I found myself completely jealous of a friend of mine today, when I had seen that she has the most adorable pregnancy announcement, the cutest little baby journal, having the energy to bake a pie, and getting beautiful photos taken of her. Then here I am, in my sweat pants and hoodie, which have become the regular attire these days, sitting in bed, watching Criminal Minds all day! I even tried to knit a baby blanket, but I literally have only gotten a few rows done because my hands keep cramping up! I wish I could be that cute pregnant lady who cooks, cleans, does crafts, and looks amazing all the time. Holy crap, am I ever so far away from that fantasy! I'm achy, tired, still a little nauseas, and all I can think about is "why didn't I think of that" or "why am I not doing that". It's a crazy mentality I tell ya! I'm so over it.
Seriously, emotions, control yourself, because I cannot.
Another thing I've been wallowing in lately, is how big my belly is! For 17 weeks, I feel huge. At first I was so excited about showing and how big my baby was getting, but now I see girls who are 10-20 weeks further along then I am, and now I feel like a whale! I'm uncomfortable, pants don't fit, joints are sore, and I can feel my belly stretching. My boyfriend is amazing at trying to keep my body confidence up, but today has been a hard one.
This is not to say I haven't enjoyed every single minute of my pregnancy. Today was just a rough day in the life of Kristen & this is a good venting source for me. I'm completely thankful for this baby and love that little bean with all of my heart. I'm thankful for this stretching belly because I know it means my baby is growing nice and big. It's just taking an emotional toll on me today. I was emotionally and physically drained today.
I was looking around at pregnancy blogs to follow. I found this entry on a blog called "Snippits of Inspiration". I couldn't have found it at a better time. I made this photo with that entry and plan to make it my lap top background so I can see it and be reminded of it every day. I know I'll be back to my normal self in no time, I think I just needed a day to dabble around on the self pity train.
I'm going to go make a Kraft yellow box pizza for dinner, a tea, and a popsicle for dessert to make me feel better. No homemade dinner tonight, but that's okay with me and my boyfriend. Yellow box pizza is what this bebe wants for dinner tonight, so that's what he/she will get!
I DID score 2 free Redbox codes today - that was a great perk to my day ;)