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3 Month Postpartum Update!

3 months already. So crazy! 
There's really not a whole lot about myself to update... again. Haha! If you read my "Fitness?!" blog post, you'll know that I was going to try increase the health factor in my life. I've still be walking and I've gone on a couple runs. Woo! 
I'm getting better at eating better. "Add more good things, so there's less room for the bad things!" is a great quote to try live by, in all aspects of life, not just food. I like to eat simply. The less ingredients the better. Or eat things found along the edges of the grocery store, and not the aisles... That's another good tip I find helps! 
Still have no idea how much I weigh, and I haven't taken any measurements... but I probably should do that soon! 
I almost lost my mind last week when Hunter was losing his. I discovered how important "me time" really is. It's not easy to do, but I'm trying to get more of that "me time" in my life! It is so necessary to have, in my opinion, in order to be the best mom you can be!  

Here is a blog post with my thoughts on motherhood and my experience on how it can be such a struggle sometimes.

This is how I get housework done sometimes. Let the baby hang out in the carrier while I do laundry and dishes haha! He isn't the biggest fan of this carrier. I need to experiment with more... but I find the long fabric ones [that I desperately wish I had!!!!] are so pricey! I just can't bring myself to spend over $50 for a wrap, as much as I want to!

Now onto that cute little infant boy of mine! No longer a newborn! Gah! So big, so fast!

I'm not sure how much he weighs. We haven't had him weighed since he got his shots at 9 weeks. 
I tried to measure him myself, & I got 67 cm!!
I'll get a more accurate height and weight at this 4 month appointment.

Ahh we don't really have one. It's basically the same as it was 3 weeks ago. Wake up at 7 am-ish. Nurse. Play. Then we do this like 5 times throughout the day, maybe... If he decides to nap. Sometimes he'll wake up as I'm trying to lay him down, and then that's it.. He won't go back to sleep. Bath around 7pm. Bed around 9 or 10. He sleeps for about 3 hours when he goes down for the night, then up every couple hours after that. 

Not enough. Lol! I don't know how long the average baby naps for during the day, but mine doesn't like to sleep for long! If I get an hour nap out of him, I'm thanking the gods. He typically naps for like, 20-40 minutes every couple hours. He's extended his bedtime, which is now at like 9 or 10 instead of 7 or 8.... He still wakes up at about 7 am though. 

Still basically exclusively breastfeeding with the random bottle here and there for car rides. I'm trying to get him to feed when he wakes up from naps, so he doesn't associate my boobs with sleeping... but I do still need to nurse him before he falls asleep sometimes - if he's been awake for a long period of time. He nurses every couple hours in the middle of the night... Half of which I'm barely awake for since we've started to master nursing while laying down! WIN!

Well.. I've started packing up his 0-3 month clothes. I put a 0-3 month onesie on him yesterday, and his shoulders were busting out of the top!! Haha! He's still fitting 3 month clothes, but not for long. His main size right now is 3-6 months. I had to buy a few 3-6 month sleepers yesterday because he only had 1! I'm willing to bet those don't last long, so I won't be buying anymore. 4 will have to do because I'm sure I'll be needing to get 6-12 month soon!
He's still in size 2 diapers, but once this box is done, I'll be putting him in size 3's.

Well he's officially and "infant" now and not a "newborn"!! *Cries*
He rolled over! I think it was a fluke though. The unevenness of the bed probably helped with that.... But he definitely rolled over from his front, to his back, to his front again. It was exciting. 
He's getting so ticklish, it's so fun! 
He giggles so much now... & laughs in his sleep.
He keeps getting more and more attentive. He's so aware of his surroundings. 
He chews on anything & everything. He's such a drool monster! I'm sure he's going to be teething soon, if he isn't already! I keep feeling & looking in his mouth, but I don't see anything yet!
He loves standing!! With help, of course.
He's starting to lose so much hair! When he was born, he had thick dark hair! Now, he looks like he has a receding hairline haha! I read that sometimes when a baby loses their hair, the new hair that grows back can be a completely different colour! Maybe he will end up having blonde hair like his dad???


A Delicious Summer Quinoa Dip!

I call it a "dip", but it could be called a salad as well... It works both ways! 
I love to eat it with tortilla chips or by itself. You could also put it in a wrap with some plain greek yogurt and lettuce. Mmm. It's so versatile! 
It could also be made any time of year of course, but it looks really nice on the side of a bbq'd steak let me tell ya!

Here are the ingredients you'll need! 

For starters, you'll need quinoa, which I forgot to include in the photo. I use half a cup of quinoa, boil it with 1 cup of water & let cool before mixing in other ingredients. You could double the quinoa and it would make the dip more of a salad.. a bit more filling if you wanted to eat it on its own... or if you just want more quinoa!

You'll also need:
Approx 4 tomatoes
1 small onion
1 medium sized bell pepper 
[I usually use green, but I had to use up this red one!]
1 jalapeño pepper 
1 can of black beans
1 can or 1.5 cups of corn
 A handful [or 2!] of cilantro
[Make sure to use the least amount of stem as possible]

1 tbs chill powder
1 tbs cumin
1/2 tbs oregano
1tsp salt [optional]
The juice of 1 lime
1/2 -2/3 cup olive oil
1-3 garlic cloves
[Depending on how much garlic you prefer, I would have done 2]

Then you just chop all the veggies up & add to a large bowl. Make sure to chop the jalapeño pepper pretty finely so that you don't get a big chunk in one bite. I also used scissors to cut the cilantro... Unless you have a really good knife, you'll find this way to be much easier! Also, be sure to drain and rinse the black beans and corn [if you're using a can].
Since this is such a versatile dip, you can really play around with the ingredients to make it taste just the way you want it to. Add more or less tomatoes, different beans, different peppers. It's really up to you and what you prefer!
With the dressing, you're just going to want to mince the garlic, and then mix everything together!
Stir the cooled quinoa, veggie mix, and dressing together, and you're all done!
It's so good and the longer it sits in the fridge, the more the flavours blend together.


Let me know if you try this! Tag me on Facebook or Instagram if you do!
Also, where do you get quinoa? I got mine from Sobeys, but I feel I could probably get a better deal somewhere else. Possibly online?


Failing As A Mom.

I contemplated posting this. 
Nobody wants to feel like a failure, never mind blog about it.... but I decided to go ahead and click that "publish" button. I figure, if there's a mom out there feeling the way I was feeling, I want her to know that she is not alone... because I know that if I knew someone was going through the same thing, I would, selfishly, feel better. 

Today, I feel defeated. I feel inadequate. I feel lonely.
It seems like once I feel I might finally have a handle on this parenthood thing, I end up having a night like tonight. A night where my baby cries screams his face off for hours & there's nothing I can do to console him. Bouncing, rocking, shhh-ing, patting/rubbing his back, white noise, nursing, soother, & crying it out just weren't working for him. The look on his face makes me feel so bad. I hate that I cant make him feel better. When that little tear started to leak out of his eye, that's when I lost it. 
I cried so hard. 
I held my baby close to my chest & we cried together. 
In those moments, I feel so many emotions. I feel angry that he won't stop crying and that I'm the only one in his world that is there to console him. Then I instantly feel guilty and awful for ever feeling anger towards him and his feelings. Then I start to feel insufficient as a mother. I feel like he deserves so much better then what I'm able to offer. All I can think is, a good mom should be able to comfort her baby in his time of need. I should be able to help him with what's making him cry. He shouldn't be crying and screaming for 3 hours. 
Why can't I help him? Why is he so upset? So many questions run through my head. Why don't I live closer to my family? Why am I choosing to be so far away? I'd give anything to have someone come over and just hold him for a few minutes while I sit in the shower or go for a walk to clear my head
Then he stops screaming. 
His cries are slowing down & his breathing is becoming more calm and steady. 
His eyes are shutting.
He falls asleep.
It's not until that moment that I gain perspective. 
He is my baby & he needs me. He needs me to hold him when he's upset because I'm all he knows. I may not be able to "fix" him, but I can be there for him. I can hold him close to my heart and kiss his head and tell him he's okay. 
The crying doesn't last forever. He's still my happy, cute, little baby. 
He doesn't hate me & I'm not failing. 
I'm doing the best I can.
I am enough.
I love this little boy with my entire being. 
It's so hard sometimes to know what to do. 
But like they say, parenting doesn't come with a manual. 
We're all just kinda wingin' it, right?

Has this ever happened to you? What have you done in a situation like this? 



*Viewer discretion is advised*
Haha just kidding... but really, there's a lot of photos of my body. 
A body that isn't perfect...[but is there really a "perfect" body?]
A body with extra skin & fat, rolls, cellulite, and stretch marks. 
This is real my friends. 
My real.

Over the years, I've gone from hating, to loving my body, in a serious way. A couple years ago, I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to invest more time & effort into my body and my overall health in general. I went from being really overweight, depressed & angry, to a much healthier & happier me. Over the course of maybe 2 years, I lost 50 lbs. It sounds like a slow process, as I know people can lose 50 lbs in much less time then 2 years, but I wasn't in a rush. I didn't want to force anything or put any restrictions on myself. I didn't want to follow any kind of plan or diet. I wanted to do things my way, at my own pace. I knew that I had to do it this way, or I would give up & go back to my old unhealthy lifestyle, and we all know how having to start over feels. 
Well, maybe not "all", but I know there's some of you out there who feel me!
This was me back in July 2012, at probably the peak of my heaviest weight! I was so unhealthy and incredibly unhappy at this point in my life... Although I do look quite happy here don't I? 

This was my body in April 2014, approximately 2 months before I got pregnant. I can honestly say this was the first time in my life that I was completely confident with my body. I only grew more proud, because my body would soon become the home for my growing baby!

Here I am at 29 weeks! Feeling more confident than ever before!

This is me at 41 weeks pregnant. March 29th, 2015. The day before I gave birth to my son! 
I gained a good 60 lbs! That's 10 lbs more then the heaviest weight I had ever been [the first photo I posted]! 

The top set of photos [black leggings] is a month later, April 29th.
Bottom set [red shorts] is another month after that, May 27th.

As much as I want to say that I've been healthy and active during pregnancy and postpartum, I cannot. That would be a liiiiieee!
I'm not happy about it. I'm not saying it was a good idea. Things happen. 
The good news is, it's never too late to change!
The most activity I get done, is going for a walk every day [when it's not pouring rain] with Hunter [my 2 month old baby, for those of you who don't know who Hunter is :)].
I've been thinking a lot lately how I would like to start some easy workouts again, along with walking every day. Before, when I would whip up a little work out for myself, I really enjoyed it! I enjoyed the whole process of searching for target area workouts, and getting to do them later that night. It was fun to notice how much stronger I was getting as the weeks went by! Plus, I mostly used my own body weight in the beginning for a lot of them, which is convenient for me right now!
So this is where I'm at. At the beginning of a new fitness journey. I plan to do exactly what I did 2 years ago when I started my first fitness journey. I plan to ease into it. It's a lot different now that I have a 2 month old who needs entertainment, breastfeeds and can't go to sleep on his own! So that's going to be interesting.. Haha! 
I also need to try focus on making healthier choices in the food department. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like snacks & treats! I was obsessed with Creme Eggs during my pregnancy... Needless to say, that craving didn't go away. I still love Creme Eggs! Anyway, pre-pregnancy, I found that having the mindset of "adding more good foods in, so there's less room for the bad stuff" really helped me stay on track, for the most part. I would feel the need to snack so often, so I made sure I had good, healthy snacks on hand. I really ate ALL the time & still lost weight! 
Another thing I'm going to try to improve on is drinking more water! I drink a couple huge glasses in a day, but I really want to up that amount. I'm breastfeeding, so that's another reason I want to get more water in me. I feel like I'm not drinking enough, but I really just forget about it all the time! I need to get a water bottle or something. I would definitely drink more if I could bring it with me in the car or outside. 
I don't think "get my body back" is an accurate statement, because my body hasn't gone anywhere. It grew a baby for 41 weeks. It has changed for sure! But it didn't go anywhere. I'm just going to try to make more healthy choices because my body deserves it.

Plus, how good does it feel when you have just ran a couple km, ate a healthy, energizing snack & drank a homemade fresh juice? Mmm, so good.
I remember when I "became" a runner. Oh the feels <3 I love running. 
Just fyi, it's going to take me awhile to get back to running.... Let's not get crazy here ;)


9 Week Postpartum Update!

I don't have much to say about myself. I saw my nurse practitioner yesterday for what should have been a "6 week" check up. She said everything is great and healed up perfect. I got the go ahead for everything. Which isn't a surprise since I'm 9 weeks postpartum haha! I was going to weigh myself and I totally forgot! I think I'll just use a scale at Walmart next time I go haha! I do notice a big change in my body over the last month! Thanks breastfeeding!
I haven't been exercising per say, but we do try go for a walk every day. It's been rainy and cold outside, so we've just been staying warm indoors. I also haven't really been eating the greatest. I need to start planning meals that are healthy and take about 15 minutes to whip up. I don't have much spare time on my hands. This baby of mine doesn't like to be alone for very long.
Now onto Hunter!
We just had Hunter's 2 month appointment today. He is 9 weeks and 1 day.
He is 62.5cm long.. 3.5cm in 3 weeks! My tall baby.
He weighs 13 lbs 12 oz.
His head circumfrence is 42 cm.
Our nurse practitioner, Kelly, said he is at the top of the charts for his age!
Our routine hasn't really changed much in the last 3 weeks, except for the fact that the 4-5 hour stretch of sleep he had going on, no longer exists.
We wake up around 7am & play because he is so frikkin smiley and happy at this time. Then he eats and goes to sleep again. Then when he wakes up, I feed him & then entertain him for a little while. It usually doesn't take too much effort to keep him happy in the morning. He then goes back to sleep, wakes up, eats and then this is about the time of day where he needs a bit more entertainment. He actually loves watching cartoons for a short period of time. He likes Betty Boop. Nap. Wake up & eat. We usually go for a walk around this time if its nice outside. Come home, more entertainment. Nap, wake up, eat. Do things. Nap, wake up, eat. Do things. Bath. Bedtime.
Then he sleeps for about 3-4 hours, which is his longest stretch of sleep.. That is, if he doesn't go into one of his insane crying fits. Then instead of falling asleep, we bounce on the yoga ball & I usually end up having to feed him again before he goes to sleep.
He's a good sleeper at night. He wakes up to eat and then crashes right out again. I don't need to put him to sleep like I do during the day. Depending on when he goes to sleep "for the night", he'll wake up around 12am, 2 am, 4-5am, then up around  7 "for the day".  
I've been trying really hard to get him to take longer naps during the day. When he starts fussing and waking up, I stick his soother back in his mouth. If that doesn't work, I'll pick him up and bounce him on the yoga ball. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. He usually starts fussing about 20 minutes into a nap. If I try really hard, I can get him to sleep for around an hour.  Night time is a breeze. Even though I wake up every couple hours, he's so quiet and efficient, that we fall right back asleep.
His sleepy smiles are so cute!
He normally eats every time he wakes up from a nap. It only takes him about 10 minutes to feed on one boob. He's also started nursing from the other side again, which takes about another 5-10 minutes.
We've also started to give him a bottle of pumped breast milk. That boy doesn't know what "nipple confusion" is. He's drank from 2 different bottles, has a soother, and still nurses like a champ. Makes my life much easier in the feeding department, thats for sure! We've only given him 3 bottles over the last few days. 1 was just to test at home to see how he'd like it. The other 2 were brought for long car rides.
I feel like he just grew into 0-3 month clothing, and now he's pretty much starting to grow out of them. The onesies all fit, because they have a good stretch to them haha! But soon I'll be packing them away because he's been wearing a few 3-6 month outfits & is quickly growing into them with no problem what so ever.
He's also in size 2 diapers. There was a couple size 1's in his diaper bag that I didn't use, so I put one on him the other day, just so they didn't go to waste. HA! Yah... right. They don't fit. 
He found his hands & it was the cutest thing to watch!
He's much more aware of his surroundings. He was entertained by a toy hanging from his car seat. He sat there for like 15 minutes just looking at it & trying to reach for it. 
His vision must be getting much better as well. He can see me standing across the room. 
He is so interactive! He's getting ticklish, which is so cute. 
He smiles and giggles <3 Melt my heart.